TO BETTER ME BY BEiNG THE ME i WANT TO BE

Worry Is A Sin

2011-07-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

Yes you read that right, worry is a sin. Recently i have been taking part in a bible study all about worry. At first i questioned how this could be. As a mom i worry when my children fall off their bikes, or when i cant pay a bill. Sometimes i even let this worry over take me. I lose sleep or become cranky. I even, sometimes, start a tiff with my husband just because i want him to be in the same mood i am. Simply no fun. I am in week four of this study; i still have questions and i am still learning. I do have to say though it is nice to have a answer to how to walk away from all this cranky - not - so nice way of life.
Some people tend to worry over different subjects. Some people have what they like to call, concern. When you truly sit and look at whatever it is you call it, it is all worry. What i have learned so far is; worry is a sin, call a sin a sin. When you begin to worry give your problems to Christ. With Him your worries will be taken care of. You may not get your answer right away, you may not get an answer you like or you may not even get an answer at all. But you have taken it off your shoulders and given it to Him just as He has asked. Yes its just that simple! We are all made to have a heart of flesh and to have concern and love for one another. Its when we think we can fix it all and when we stress over the issues at hand that cause us to step away from our relationship with God and our loved ones.
Your worry is actually something else all together. Sit for minute and ask yourself what you really are worried about. Take each worry and see what the underlining fear is. Does your worry break down to a want for control, embarrassment, anxiety or even fear in itself? Sometimes i fret that my children wont do well in school. This has many underlining fears, but mainly embarrassment. What will others think of me, that i cant afford high learning. Remember to give it all to God. That is what i am trying to do each time i have a worry.
As strong women, moms and wife's we tend to put a mask on of happiness when we are struggling with something. Worries can very easily takes us from what we would really love to do with our time. Each time you sit with God in time of quiet, meditation or prayer you are strengthening your relationship with Him. When you give up your worries and your fears to God you make more time for your family. Its all apart of a life in our journey with Him to learn as we go. His word means something different to each person who reads it each time they read it. But what he ask of us is simply. We just have to choose to follow it. He never said it would be easy but he said He would be there for us.
1 Peter 5:5-7 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer"
Matthew 12:34 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks"
Psalm 37:8 "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret- it only causes harm"
Matthew 6:25 , Matthew 6;33, John 8:32

Check out this book for
more on this topic:

My Solution to Every Problem

2011-04-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am one of those people who think i can find all the answers in books. I have this feeling that books can fix anything. I have come across many books that have done just that and some that are pointless. I enjoy buying, reading and sharing a good book. But what happens when my solution becomes a problem?

No i am not saying that it has but simply asking a question. I have been looking for me for a while now and at times i think i have done a good job doing so! Other times, well lets just say i remember how lost i actually am. So there are a few more books that i am adding to my self help get back to me project. These i am happy to say i look forward to doing and i know will have some mind blowing difference for me once i sit to read them and do them.

The first book is a bible study. I have been trying to do one with a friend of mine but honestly got tired of waiting on her to start one with me. So i went out and got a copy for me and my project buddy to do together. Its called A Grand New Day from woman of faith. I look forward to what it has to offer and what i learn from it. The second book is from one of my favorite authors. I know i can never go wrong when ever i have one of her books to lead me. I am a big supporter of all her books because they make sense and actually speak from a true heart. Kathi Lipp has three books that i own each a 21 day project to better something in your life. This third book that i have
is call The Me Project.
It is something that i look forward to
doing with my
accountability partner.
I encourage you to check these books out and see what they can do for you !!

When... a rambling 3 am rant

2011-04-06T03:39:00.000-07:00

There are those times when you feel like you have to give up on things even when you know you should stay strong. I usually would never write these feelings out for everyone to see but i guess it is time to say something to hopefully get back to what i may actually miss.

Growing up i dealt with a lot of things that "normal" people may not have to deal with. I have always had this "gift" of seeing. Weather it be a spirit or a moment that has yet to happen even earth quakes. Wait people i promise i am not crazy. This is something that has been apart of my family even before i was born. I never knew how to deal with it or talk to people about it. One day i opened up. BIG mistake. I thought i could easily talk to someone. You know with out judgment. Boy was i wrong. I love honesty even when it may hurt but do not do well with ignorance. I am always judged as the girl who wants to be important or does things to be noticed when in reality i am no where near that person. I have accomplished so much in my life that it would be easy to build myself up to make myself sound important. Yet there are just a few "gifts" that deff couldnt be used to do so.

So i took the time to let someone in. To share this and ask an opinion on how to make it better. I from a very young age could tell you just from feeling alone and sometimes vision that there would be a earthquake. This brought people in my life who witnessed it to the point where they would make sure to have all safety measures ready just in case. So when i had to people there to back me up when sharing this i still expected to have to go further in to what i see and dont see. By no means did i expect this person to make me feel like i was just trying to seem important. Actually the question that i had asked was, i am having trouble sleeping because i cant deal with the feelings that these visions bring anymore what do you think i should do? the response was " in my opinion i think that this is in your head and that it is more about feeling important then anything else." WOW

Even if you dont believe or you think i am off my rocker why would you say that to someone who came to you because they were in a bad way? Why would you want to be hurtful? People who know me know i am not one who needs to feel important that when someone crosses me i usually delete them out of my life. I am working really hard not to shut down and to continue getting better at being me. But it is hard when you no longer have a want to be around these people. To be apart of anything they are doing. It is hard to share something to just be shut down. ITS HARD.
Hopefully getting this out finally and saying something even if no one hears it or can understand my rambling it will feel better. I can try to get back to the life i was enjoying. I watch who i talk to now and what i share but i still want to be open.

we shall see

The Husband Project

2011-01-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

I am finding it really hard to want to get started on this, but know that my reasons are just why i need to stick with it. My hubs and i are butting heads due to him being laid off and home everyday. When i clean i like my space and when i blog i like my space and when i read i like my space. The thing is my hubs likes my space too.
You may be thinking why is this bad?? Well only because i like my space! I have not had time to miss him and i think that is the biggest issue. But i will get off of my boohoo mind frame and jump straight in it.
Whats the worst that can happen.... he might just want space him self :)

project 1- 30 Minutes is all it takes

2010-12-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

Create some free time when he gets home.

The Project:
Focus on your husbands transitional 30 min today. Would he like to be left alone to rest and rejuvenate, or does he want some undivided attention from you? The point is to let your Husband know you value what he does out in the world, and that he has a safe, loving place to come home to and get refreshed at the end of the day.

My Plan For The Day :

My plan for the day is simple. Since at the moment my husband is laid off i will be focusing on a rejuvenating time for him to take to him self away from the children to read the bible or play some madden which ever he chooses. This will be so that he doesnt feel like he has a task at home that he might have to complete. This time is for him and only him!

His Reaction/My Results:

The Husband Project - the new start

2010-12-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

The Husband Project , 21 Days of Loving Your Man On Purpose and With a Plan. I have mentioned this book so many times and have even started it as well. I always seem to quit half way through feeling like it is not needed.

Well this time its different. I am not doing it out of a need of necessity but because i simply want to. Each day for the next 21 days i will be doing a project out of this book. Starting first thing in the morning i will love my husband with a plan and a want and complete this very simple challenge.

trying

2010-07-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

i am trying. i am praying. i know things arent easy and i know they all come in time and when they are truly needed. so i am trying to wait and i am hopeful when it will.

thursday blog love

2010-07-22T03:14:00.001-07:00

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how to enter well its pretty easy. 3 steps and you will be linked.

1.follow me, link up your blog
2.follow the person before or after you that you have not followed before.
3.grab the thursday blog love button and post it on your page

my struggle - trying to not try so hard

2010-07-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

church, i have gone back. it has been a mixture of happiness and feelings of how much more easier it would be to just stay home. the children are having a blast {well the older ones} and my hubs and father love it as well. i love it dont get me wrong but it still just isnt what i think i need. the first week back it went great. the kids {all 4} went into there rooms had fun and played. no tears. the fellowship was simply wonderful. the second week, while the fellowship was still ok the babies didnt want to be there. they came in with us which made it not as enjoyable as with them in their rooms. i was unable to worship due to the music being to loud for them. then last week. well it just was no fun. i missed half the message for the same reasons as the week before and it was just not as pleasant. i am hoping that it will i need it to. i need fellowship i need the time i need the messages. i just need them

back on track ... starting with the husband project

2010-06-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

i love this book and the projects it has in side. so it i time to get back to it. i will be starting out with the husband project. i mean he deserves a little pampering to!!!

project 1- 30 mins is all it takes

create some free time when he gets home

the plan-the kids are always so excited when daddy gets home. i mean even the dog jumps around. so today when he gets home i will take the kids into the big girls room to read a story to them. therefore E can grab a shower and relax for a min. he might get done before he reaches 30 mins but it ill be the chance to relax that counts.

update on the children

2010-06-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

while this is a blog about me, they are me. so i wanted to update a picture instead of updating them each. they ave gotten so big since i have been posting here. my youngest the boy cristofer, well he is almost one. so here they are.

when is enough enough ???

2010-06-15T21:41:00.001-07:00

so before i moved here to Vegas, i have always known god. i have always wanted to be in his love and love my god. i never found a a church nor a fellowship that i felt i belonged to. i went to church with my life long best friend Sarah. her family opened me up to a wonderful fellowship and love for god. the church though that we went to just wasn't for me.

when i got to Vegas i met a friend. she is a christian and thought that i would love the church she went to. we tried it out it was great and now i am member, my hubs an i both got baptized and we loved the fellowship. her family and her stop going our friendship fell apart because we are two different types of women and the fellowship changed once location of the church changed.

so i will get to the point. i have been trying to be a "good christian" . i have been trying to bring her back to what she brought me to, trying to meet on common grounds, have bible studies what ever. and i guess its just a shove in the heart when the person who open those doors for you shut their own. when is enough enough? when do i no longer have to try ?? when is it enough?? because all the stunts in tat relationship make me feel like i may have not really learned anything. that maybe the person who brought me there lost their way do to me. i just don't know when enough is enough.

it is just time

2010-06-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

its time for me to get back to me.time to get back to knowing him. time to get back to learning and teaching. its just time!

i miss reading my bible studies and i miss going to church. i guess i will have to get over the not having fellowship the way i want to and i guess i will be doing bible study on my own. but that is okay. i will be doing it on my own and i may not have the fellowship i am looking for but i will have him and i will know him.

it all got away from me and i wont allow it anymore. i miss him and it is time to get back to him !!!

love dare

2010-01-30T18:28:00.001-08:00

so i have been doing it but really the first few days there isnt anything to really talk about because we do these types of things anyways ... but i am sure that it will come to were its hard and i am venting. stay tuned

the first work out

2010-01-27T11:59:00.000-08:00

what was i thinking .... it hurt ... i dont feel much right now but i am sure i am going to feel it soon. I had a friend that worked out with me so it made it easier. Do i want to do it again?? yea .. no but i will. Right after we sat down and talked about some things and shared some things. We got deep and teared up. It is nice having others on the same path.

Now all i have to do is stick with this . So i will atleast try three times a week and also watch what i eat. Food doesnt have to make me happy it just has to taste good...

so here i go !

And so it begins

2010-01-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

I will be doing two challenges at once. Love Dare and The Husband project. Love dare is longer so at around 21 days i will be left with just one.

Day one:
love dare-

Love is Patient.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love- Ephesians 4:2

Dare-
resolve to demonstrate patience an to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.

husband project-
project one-
30 Mins is all it takes - create some free time when he gets home

how is love dare you ask?

2010-01-27T08:39:00.000-08:00

Well i dont think i have put my all in it this time around and its only day three. So i have plans on starting all over today and put my all in it.My husband as been the best. I know it is hard for him being laid off but he should be porud of him self, hes a hard worker. its time for a break. Ok today i start my self loving time. i will be working out with a friend and i know it will hurt and i hope i can get through it. im not to sure i can so we shall see. I want to love me more ... yup even more then i already do because i think i have earned it.

i am off now i should be posting in tears not to long from now, so we will see if my fingers will be the one part on me that doesnt hurt.

Back ... No really i am back

2010-01-24T22:06:00.000-08:00

Now that my brother has came to town and has worked on my computers I can now get back to my blog. Recently I have been trying pretty hard to get things on track but it hasn’t been too easy. The truth is I don’t think I have been trying the hardest that I could be and I think that now is better then any other time to get on myself.

I was blessed enough to meet a group of people (ladies) that are Christian and are on the same path if not very close to the path that I am on. We are all going to start love dare together. Some to fix their problems that they may have, and others to just keep the happiness that they have now still going strong. Some like myself have already tried getting through love dare but just couldn’t. So now we have others to talk to about what we are going through.

On Friday I went to a meet up with those from this group and enjoyed myself.AS I have said many times before, I have a hard time being so open about my love for God and one of the things I am working on is letting go of that. So on the way home while driving I told myself when my house gets back to normal I wanted to sit down and write an email to all the ladies (who yes all gave me their email addys) and thank them. I have found women my age who are so open about their love for God and their passion was just so great to see that it made me see that it is okay. It hit me so hard that I broke down crying listening to a song that spoke the same message I was asking for. I have realized that every last one of these ladies was brought to me for a reason ...

so here we go people ... im back to my many challenges ....

What i have been up to

2009-12-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

I have been a busy mommy.I have been doing Aprils school work with her, working with Havanna on her schooling and getting started on some of those harder things with Tatiana. Cristofer is getting so big and is starting to sit up on his own.I really don't seem to find to much time for me, even right now i am hearing my two youngest scream at the fact that i am not right next to them. Mommy April to the rescue wants to spend time with her brother and sisters. I keep trying to overhaul my home with different systems and trying to get my kids to conform to what i want them to do. I know i have very well behaved children and that i should be happy that they are so good. I have come to realize over the last few weeks is that i am the one who needs the over hauling.

so this is where i am now and i hope this will work better for my family. We are all going to take steps to get our home and life's in order. Priorities need to come back into play and we have to fix our individual relationships. Here is some of the things we will be trying. First we will be working on our one on one relationships with God. My DH is working with a book called The Man Code and is working through his personal relationships that way. I at the moment feel i have a lot to work on. Even though my DH is the head of the house hold i am the the one who keeps it going down the right way. There are a lot of things i need to work on and i will be taking a few areas at a time and asking for guidance. As of now i will be working on not yelling, not using bad language and respecting my family more. My children will be working on their listening skills which should come a lot faster when i change the way i respond to those moments when they aren't listening so well.They will also be working on them self, characteristics and personalities. I am hoping by bringing in more family time and more prayer and devotion time that they will see the characters that play a big part in life. My husband and i will be working harder on installing these and at the same time we are hopeful that our relationship will get stronger as well through this change. We still plan on staying modern but will be having personal values and morals will be sticking to rather the out side world agrees or not.

The reason i am doing all this, some might think its to look like a better on the outside. But really i am so tired feeling like i am failing my children everyday. I have since the beginning that i wanted to be a certain type of mom. I have not done that or been that person and its time i step back and stop trying to be that super mom every ones pretends to be and put my focus back to what is best for my family.

Join me on this journey of ups and downs.... laughs and tears and i am ooo so sure late night rambles on this blog....

i have been away for so long

2009-12-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

sorry i have been away so long. all of my computers havent been working and my cellphone wont let me post. but now io am back and look forward to getting back to my challanges and posting. it will take me a little to work my self in to free time to do so but thank you to those who read!

a disappointing day

2009-08-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

i guess with every few happy days there has to be a not so good day. and i guess that day has come today for me. i have planned my life knowing it would be all about my kids and i knew that what ever i did would be for them. so when my oldest started school i knew i would be a class mom and be there to do home work and what ever else i could to show my little one how important school is !!! me and my husband talked about this from the first moment she was in my belly. he knew what i wanted out of life as a mom and it seems for him that has all changed!!!!

today my daughter had a bad day at school but yet it started off very well for the both of us. she ran in to play with her friends and i was asked by the teacher if i could come in and help with the basic assessment test for the class. so i said sure knowing i wouldnt have to run it by my husband because this is something we have spoken about over ad over again as recent as the first day of school this past monday. we both told the teacher that if she ever needed any help to just let me know. i guess for him he didnt really mean it.

because his response when i let him know he would have to go into to work late was that of semi anger and what the hell are you thinking. my children have never been baby sat and now because he thinks money means everything and he doesnt want to miss work i have to have our children baby sat because i dont want to go back on my word to the teacher. the lady who will be doing this is nice and all but why should someone other then me and erik(the parents ) watch our children ...

i am trying my very hardest to let this all go but i just cant seem to get past it. i am hoping writing this all out will make me feel better but i dont see it working as i am typing.

i just find it very unfair. i dont think i am asking for to much. all i ask for when it comes to our kids is to put them first. and i am scared that my children will learn that work should come before everything else and i dont want to them to learn that money is everything. which my husband thinks it is. something we are trying to work on.

uhhhhh i just cant let it go... why cant he understand that i see school being more important then anything else. because if we dont show interest now and everyday here on out then what will our children think when it gets hard. i remember my parents having no interest or care if i completed school and only if they wanted to be more apart of that part of my life maybe i would have cared more ...

hopefully i can go to sleep letting this go and wake up in a better mood because this is weighing me down stopping me from wanting to better the relationship i have with him. i find this as believe it or not a disrespectful act towards our children and me. i have been working my ass off trying to keep things going and some how some way he finds a way to throw in a wrench to screw things up and bring us to a point were i dont even want to speak to him.

hes off to bed now knowing i have to do a lot of things (some he is suppose to do ) to have our house half way ready for some one to watch our three younger children in . so while hes off in lala land i will be working my bottom off with already hardly any sleep.

i really hope to be in a better mood tomorrow and not let this affect what i have tried to accomplish.

disapointing

my little"big" girl

2009-08-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

today when i took april to school i told my self i wouldnt linger like the other parents. that i could go two little hours with out her. i was so wrong. i pulled up to the gate got her out of the car gave her her glasses and a kiss. sent her off running through the gate. got back into the car and started to drive off when i noticed that her little friends she made the day before werent there yet and she was looking for me. i was already where i couldnt back up the car so i drove around the school and back into the parking lot because i was so ready to get all the kids out and stand there with her. but when i seen her she was having fun talking with the teacher and making even more friends. her little buddies got there not to long after and i knew she was fine but i couldnt get myself to pull away. i wanted to watch her and enjoy her simple happieness. i didnt think the second day would be so hard. i didnt think she would grow up so fast. she is still five i know but she just doesnt need me the way she use to anymore ... and i am a little lost.

The Husband Project - project 16

2009-08-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

project 16- its getting hot in here- or is it you ?
let him know you think he is hot

project-in some small way today, let your husband know that you're attracted to him physically.

the plan- i plan on writing him a little note for him to find when he gets home from school . i will be asleep when he gets here so it will be a nice little way to let him know even though i am dreaming of him .

the results

The Husband Project - project 15 done 8/23

2009-08-25T12:04:00.000-07:00

project 15- What not to wear
pitching the pajama pants.

the project- get rid of one item of clothing you know you husband is not in love with. if its a favorite that you'll have a hard time parting with, go ahead and purchase a replacement you know your guy will like.

the project- to get rid of something my hubby doesnt like me in or that is so old i know he doesnt like it . i plan on getting rid of 2 pieces of clothing.

the resuls- it kinda felt good to get rid of old yucky clothing. making me want to shop and knowing before i could do that i would have to get in to better shape. so i look forward to the new things i get to buy because i made room. my hubby told me that it was good to get rid of the old and bring in the new

The husband project - bonus sex project 2

2009-08-25T12:00:00.002-07:00

Lingerie Shopping, A Gift for the both of you.

the project- buy a piece of lingerie that both you and your husband will love- then put it to good use.

the plan- is to save this for the future. since i havent been cleared since my surgery i have to wait on the doctor lucky DH i go in on 8/26 so i have no plan of action for this but to just hold of till i am cleared.

lets play catch-up the kinder mom after math...

2009-08-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

okay so getting ready for school sending her into class and just getting everything else done i have not been able to get on here to write.

So monday i took her to school. the DH took the day off to come help me see what i would need to do since i would have all four schildren to drop off and pick April up. and let me tell you going home with only three after leaving her at school is just plain weird! So we dropped her off went to get Cristofers birth certicifet and i kept looking for her(as if i would ever leave her behind) and i had to remember that she was at school. when i went to pick her up she was so happy. she had a blast and silly me i think i had forgotten to tell her that she gets to go everyday so the first thing she told me is that she gets to come back and i told her yup everyday and i all the sudden became the best mommy.

it was just so great

The days before ...

2009-08-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

i think i am going crazy running around and around. you see i am one of those moms that have everything ahead of time. so it was no different when school came up for my oldest. i have all her clothes months ago and i got most of the shoes then too. i got her school supplies the day they came out and everything. so i thought what would it hurt if i went ahead and got some extra stuff. you know for the teacher for my little stash and of course some stuff for april ..little things for her outfits. well once i got started it turned into a mission to find things.. we ran around all day . which wasnt good because i knew i had a day of cooking ahead of me . what was i thinking. i found it all but one thing. i got the teachers bin ready except for the home made stuff and i got all the clothes and i even got some extras for me for my stash of school supplies.

now all i need to do is sleep ...

The Husband Project project-14

2009-08-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

Project 14~ Move Over Rachel Ray
cook something for your husband

the project - make your husband something special in the kitchen(reservations dont count).

the Plan - i have been putting this to project to use since i started the husband project. when i looked through the book i seen this and thought why do this one day i should do it every day. so the plan of action for every nights dinner is for me to cook unless we schedule in a eat out night. so i have cook a meal( and not a box meal a real meal) every night of the week for the past 8 days. and i have the menu planned for the next week. i have found new recipes on the computer and in books i have bought the past for weeks at Sams. something new and different and then i mark it if my family likes it .

the result- i can tell you not even just from tonight but every night this past week my husband has been much happier and more helpful with me in all the things i am doing. when he had asked what is going on i simply said i couldnt tell him ... then i felt bad that i said that and let him know that i am doing a husband project to learn how to love him more and that i could tell him the exacts but that is what i was doing. he understood and is happy i am doing something and wanted to know if there was a wife project ... Mrs Kathi Lipp... i think you should get on that after the next two books!!! :O)

The Husband Project project 13

2009-08-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

Project 13~ On My Mind
Turning your thoughts towards him

The Project - Set up reminders during you day to think and pray for your husband. Let him know sometime during the day that he has been on your mind.

The plan- i always think of my DH but i never really sit down and take a moment to pray for him. so i will take a moment a few times today to just think of him. not my children not what needs to get done just him. Pray for him and to just let him know that he was honestly on my mind all day

the Result-

Sending her off to school

2009-08-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

Monday is the day, April starts Kinder. and i dont know how to feel. I am young compared to most moms. But the feeling of "she growing " is coming into play making me feel ooo so old. I have sat and thought about how will it feel to watch her go through the gate of her school or the door to her room with her back pack on. will she look back and smile. will she be happy that she gets to be there with the chance of making new friends and having new experiences. how will her 3 year old sister feel. Because even though i look at my two oldest as "big girls" Havanna is still a baby. Will she break down when her big sister is not there to play with.

It is all so surreal to know that i have done my mommy and me time with her and now i have to let her grow up and really be a big girl. Will she make friends will she like her teacher. will she learn new things???? those are all on my mind. Even though i have 3 more children to watch over teach and love on ... what will i do with those 2 and 1/2 hours she is not with me. for the past 5 years now my children have been with me for almost everyday. they have never had a babysitter and when i went in to have brother and sisters they came with. i have never been away from them for longer then a few hours. (except one time for emergency surgery) will i be ok... will i be that mom who is driving away with tears in her eyes. as i sit here and type i am getting teary eyed. My little girl all grown up.

My plan of action .. well i ave been planning for this day for 5 years.i knew when she was born i would start with the home school to help her learn things and get a little bit ahead. make school fun and interesting, we have always showed interest in it ourselves. i knew what type of clothes i would want to send to school in. i knew i wanted her to pick her first back pack, to be able to have fun school shopping and to want to just go. April has been counting down the days.

Will i go through this with each child? I hope so .. the excitement of knowing how much fun they will have and the friends they will make the new things they will learn i think will never leave me.

This is it for me. why i am . why i breath. For the love of 4

Trying to make a little time for me

2009-08-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

I guess i feel selfish when i try to make time for my self. But i feel like i cant seem to get anything done. If i try to something always seems to come up. So it seems like personal to do list gets put to the side. My list is simple, shower more then 4 times a week, eat three meals a day . read at least 20 mins. scrapbook some time with a week at least once a week, walk 30 mins a day and maybe just maybe start to dress nicer.

it all seems so simple and maybe i just dont have it all together just yet but i hope to soon. i find that when i get frustrated with the fact that i cant seem to get anything (outside of the house to do list which at times doesnt even get done) done on any of my list i get a tiffy fit with my children and my husband. that is something i would like to stop.

so here is what i am going to do. i will be throwing out my schedule, its not like i follow it anyways. I will try to do 3 things of each list(yes the list is in my head maybe i should write it down) each day and then forget about the list. i shouldnt feel so bad when something doesnt get done. if it is truly needed then that will go to the top of the list for the next day.

No more stressing for me . i can only do so much and i will be happy with what i can get done. i guess that means i will have to get off my tush a little more and do something !!!!

2009-08-20T11:17:00.001-07:00

Twitter Moms: The Influential Moms Network

The Husband Project project 12

2009-08-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

project 12- Gotcha!
Notice the Great things he does

the Project - Tell your husband something about him that you think is simply great.

the plan - i plan on letting him know what a great father he is what a great husband he is and how much he does for us .... but i want to say one thing that i hardly don't say that much ... that he is a very smart man and i have learned so much from him

The results- this turned out great this is something i should be doing every day. My DH means a lot to me and the smile he had and the way he looked like he felt is well worth taking a few minutes out of each day to say something nice.

The Husband Project project 11

2009-08-20T08:06:00.001-07:00

Project 11~ Stress-Be-Gone
Eliminate something that makes him crazy

the project- Today focus is to remove stress from is life. Figure out what makes him feel a tiny sense of defeat each day and plan to remove it.

The plan - getting his work clothes washed and put away in a special draw o he doesn't have to swift through his regular clothes to get ready for work. and then each day from now on to lay out something for him to ware to work the next day the night before so he doesn't have to worry about looking in the draws. of course i will ask him what he wants to ware but i will do it for him.

the results- since this was for yesterday but i couldn't get on my blog to write it i am posting it today. i started to do this for him and was unable to finish . long night with the kids. but while i was doing what i was for him he noticed and said thank you because it would make his day easier. so i will finish this up today before i get started on project 12.

The Gratitude Challenge

2009-08-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

The Gratitude Challenge-
1.thankful for being noticed for all that i do.
2.thankful that my five year old is so happy to start school ... now i only have to worry about me breaking down and crying
3.thankful that my dad is trying so hard to buy our family a home.
4.thankful that i feel strong in my faith and even though i am working through my own doubts i don't let others cloud my thinking
5.thankful for just simply being me ... i have learned that i will not always be happy with who i am but that someone{GOD} is always happy with me

The Husband Project

2009-08-19T23:43:00.001-07:00

i thought this was so cool ... the author of The Husband Project is following me on twitter.... i thought that it was very nice of her to take the time to follow me ... i would so twitter about the book but then my DH will know about it .... i have to find a way to get around him receiving my tweets... i would love love love to spread the word about The Husband Project.

and so i have thought of it .... i will tweet with out the husband part ... i can just state that i have completed project such and such (of course the number not the project) ooo how i wish i never got my DH on twitter then i could twitter all day about the husband project ... i have become very addicted to this

Building my faith with the bible

2009-08-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

so i have always used Woman of faith books to learn more about the bible and myself. i have found that Sam's has the books i like to use for half the cost and being a mom of four i am ever-so -ready to pay the least amount i can for anything get for myself.

The book that i am reading and learning from right now is....

Making The Most Of - Your Resources
how do i manage my time, energy, and money?

foreword by Luci Swindoll
a Woman of Faith resource.

i will update here and there on this . What i take from this and what i feel i have learned. i will be getting one of these a week on different topics. i honestly look forward to doing these as i prepare my self for my Character Makeover.

The Huband Project - project 10

2009-08-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

Project 10- Wear something just for him

project-Wear something just for him. You can go buy something or pick an item you already own. He doesn't have to know what you are doing- you know and that will change a little something inside of you .

the plan - well today (Tuesday) is a little hard to this because he has school .. so i will get showered and dressed after the kids go to sleep and wait for him to ask him how his first day of school was .

the results- so this didn't go so well.... who would have thought i would have gotten so tired ... but i did after 16 hours by myself with the kids i was to drained to get in the shower and get dressed. so i plane on doing this with another project . throwing it in and making sure i do it ...then i will come back here and post how it made me feel to complete it and if he(THE DH) says anything

Not being able to have any more kids- time to talk about it

2009-08-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

so i have kept this to me ...the feelings the finial reasons why i went through with it. i thought if i talked about it that it would break me down even more... so why not talk about it now .

so when we found out we where having a boy it was time to talk about not having any more children ... even though i joked time and time again about not wanting anymore ... i have always wanted lots of kids ... to make them have them raise them and watch them grow into adults. so as a woman i believe that my place here is to be a wife a mother and the person who keeps our home running . that is my job and i love it . so to give up the part of me , the part of my job that was having children was hard to even think about let alone actually take away.

then came me getting sick, not being bale to walk really , having pains so hurtful that i wished my self to sleep or worse... just not to have to feel it. then came the realization that i had already loss one baby, that the pregnancies were not getting any easier and that i was just plain done !
i was tired of being big (even when not pregnant) not being able to see my feet wear clothes that didn't stretch and all of the other stuff every mom deals with being pregers. talking to my best friend (whom had made the same choice) kind of brought it to light that why struggle to take care of many when i can love and take care of my four. so i made up my mind and the choice was finial. i still wasn't OK with it but i knew i would do it!

comes the day before the surgery. I'm at church and i am having a hard time with this. so i speak to my pastor and he tells me it sounds like i am trying to justify it to ME. that it was just a choice that i would have to live with either way. if i didnt then i could run the risk of losing a child or myself. or if i did not being able to have children ever again.

the day of i went in mad pissed unhappy all of the above. i broke down crying as the nurse was trying to get me ready . the doctor was late about 45 mins. and all i could think of was i can back out . no one would be mad and i could just not do it . then came the paper. the YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE KIDS after this paper. i signed and cried and then prayed . i let it go and trust that i was making the right choice. i have been home for a week now . i have been with my children for a week now . i have been with this choice i have made for a week now.

And i am ok.

I'm ok. i know that there will be no more children but i have four beautiful children to raise and to take care of and to love on. i have been blessed and plan on sharing my blessings but making them great people

The Husband Project- project 9

2009-08-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

Project 9- Hi-ho, Hi-ho
Working Together

the project-
today, its helping your husband to get the job done. Help him get one of his regular duties off his list, or come alongside him and assist in a project that he enjoys.

the plan - getting hm ready for school tomorrow and helping him get his prints and notes together ... getting all of his old notes and prints filed ....

the results- well i help him do his homework for the first week.... i really did it for him but that is another story... it was fun i ha vent done homework in a while and i got some sweet tea out of it !! :O)

The gratitude challenge

2009-08-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

grateful

1.to be able to cook and cook well.
2.have a daddy that i love so much that wants only the best for my family and me.
3.time- no matter how little i may have
4.not being in the magz ...poor Kate and john... i will never sell out my kids
5.having long lasting friendships with some really great people

The Husband Project - project 8 (for 8/16)

2009-08-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Project 8-Location Location Location
A special treat in a special place.

The Project- Make a food and make the location fun. Really that's all there is to this project.

the plan- i will be making my South-of-the-Border roll ups. i will pack them up in a cooler to take to church with us so right after we can head to the park as a fam bam and watch the kids play and have a great picnic.

The results-well it almost was a disaster.... but it all turned out ok ... we went to the park ate the food that i almost didn't get any of ... (that my DH loved and ate them up ) we didn't get to stay because the table was full of ants... but all in all it was a nice little thing to do and will look forward to doing it again .

The Husband Project - bonus Sex project 1

2009-08-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

Bonus SEX Project 1 Doing your Homework

Project- Pick up a book to do a little research with your husband into what your husband needs and wants are when it comes to sex.

the plan- i picked up the book "The Hot Sex Handbook" by Tracey Cox i will cuddle up with the hubby and go through the book with him. I am a very sexual person and learned what my hubby likes long before doing this project. but it never hurts to learn a little more. so i will watch his face to see what may or may not interest him . it never hurts to try something at least once.

The results-yea so neither one of us wanted to read this book .. but we might throw it in tonight before we go to sleep

The Husband Project - project 7

2009-08-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

Project 7 Trophy Wife
Looking gooood for you man

Project-
do one thing to look nice just for your guy. it can be clothing, hair, or makeup.

the plan - i planed to wake up and get all dressed up for the day to run our last min errands.
(makeup{i dont ware much} and actually clothes with buttons and zippers)

the results- harder to do this then i thought it would be . i couldnt really find a min to my self to do this project. each moment i have for my self is usually spent in someone else. so i tried to run off to the bath room to get at least dressed. i wore my jeans that i have missed (not my skinny jeans sadly) i started to put on the little bit of make up i do ware but quickly had to stop all the children were ready and wanting to head out the door... so i got as far as liner. he really didnt notice in a good way he felt i was upset because i didnt have the time for me . (which i was but not for the reason he thought . i wanted to have the time to do this for him ) but hey we can try this tomorrow and throw it in with project 8

the weight game - friday weigh in

2009-08-14T14:20:00.001-07:00

so ya i didnt drop anything like i thought i would have ... lots of cookies hardly and work... i am still 242 so i am making a new small goal to add to my other goals. i want to drop 15 lbs by the end of this month . that gives me around 2 weeks to do so. i will take this little challenge very seriously. and i will get to work !!!

The Husband Project - project 6

2009-08-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

Project 6~ a little hands-on attention
meeting your husbands physical (touch) needs

project-do something to help your husband enjoy physical touch. find something that will help relax. new pillows, massage lotions, a back rub... your choice. make it something that both of you will enjoy

the plan- every night i get my feet rubbed. sometimes even my back when my days go really long. so i will give a back massage tonight once all the kids go to sleep.

also since today is shopping day and errand day(keep our weekends for family) i will make sure to put a hand on his knee give a few extra hugs. rub his back in the store and so on . just all little touches that will show him my love...

the results-

well i am not sure this one was noticed... i am skipping the back rub i just dont feel like doing it ... but i did a lot of little extra touches here and there and i am not sure that it was noticed... but hey maybe tomorrow

love dare and other things

2009-08-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

i dont know why we havent sat down to do the next day ... i think that with the surgery and all the other things happening around here we have put it aside ... so i know that we will be getting back to it ...

really Erik has been great..i sent him to the store tonight, after i was put on couch rest for the rest of the evening , so he could get milk . knowing we are on a budget and he just let me know that i cant spend to much on things that arent needed for a few weeks. Erik came home with my fav cookies and tea. just as a thank you for being his wife. he said "this is because i love you and i knew you would like a little snack" the cookies were bomb and a nice treat after working out yesterday...did i mention i hate working out ....

i developed 104 pictures of my kids today ... do you think that is a lot ... nope i still have 1674 plus what ever is on my phone... (which i am sure is another 200 ) i am 7 months behind ... i will catch up on my scrap booking i am sure ...

so Marcie my bff got me stuck on twitter ... i thought i was doing well staying away from it ... but no i got sucked in ... now i am hooked ... and i find my self twitting (or what ever the word for that is) every second ... not like anyone is reading except a few friends.... but i like being able to think i am talking to some one who isnt 5 or under...

i am down a few more pounds. i am at 242 may be even less by now .. i was 242 on Monday before the surgery .... i know i have lost a few since then ... how much i dont know tomorrow is the day !

so back to love dare... i am hoping to get back to this Sunday night .... tomorrow we will be very busy and Saturday will be a long night ... so Sunday after church library and park it is ..

good night... i am off to dream land before one of the kiddies wakes up ... i am sure to get 3 hours of sleep

the 21 day gratitude challenge

2009-08-13T21:23:00.001-07:00

1. being able to develop pics of my children to scrapbook. it is letting me see recent memories and keeping me from going to my sad state of mind.
2. being able to run my house to the best i can while trying to recover... i thought it would be so much harder
3.having a best friend that listen even though she may not want to and always being there when it counts the most and even when it doesnt count at all
4. that all four of my children smile when the look at me
5. that soon my little one starts school and i will be able to see it with my DH

*6. that i get to watch the cowboys game

The Husband Project - project 5

2009-08-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

Project 5 ~E-flirt.com
text or email some sweet nothings
project- send flirty text or email to your husband

the plan- since i always text my DH all the time i thought i would send him a email. it Will be very simple and filled with way to many loving sweet nothings. i will send him a text once it is sent so he can read it at work and be able to have a moment to smile.

the results-

well he read it at work and sent a very sweet email back ... i am so very glad that i am doing this project ... it is showing me even more how lucky i am to have a husband like i do ... he still has his faults and is in no way perfect but let me tell you hes pretty darn close!!!!!

The Husband Project- project 4

2009-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Project 4~
Heart vs. Stomach a treat just for him

get a food treat for your husband hes no required to share with you or any other family member.

the plan-my hubby loves coffee cake and i believe i have a box to make for him. i am a little stuck with not being bale to go anywhere but i know that if i dont have the coffee cake i do have blue berry mix that i can make him he loves blue berry's to .... i am sure any baked good that i could make him that is just for him he will love ... i hope i have the coffee cake mix... he would love that .

the results-

i called him and let him know that i had a surprise for him that was waiting just for him on the stove. i let him know just in case i was not feeling to good once he got home. i was able to make him his absolute fav. the coffee cake. he was happy when he seen it ate half of it in one sitting then i told him its just for him no need to share . and now he is taking small bites when ever he goes into the kitchen. he was happy to see his cake there that i have been promising to make for months now. i am glad i finally did it for him!!!

the gratitude challenge

2009-08-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

1. for being brought back to my children after surgery
2. for having the children i do have to be with everyday and having that chance to be home with them.
3.for having such a helpful hubby that ask no questions and doesnt complain.
4.a night of sleep...it was much needed
5.getting through surgery

(was out of commission mon and tues)

the gratitude challenge

2009-08-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

today i am thankful for

1.having a moment to talk to my pastor an becoming a little more ok with my surgery tomorrow.
2.finding a bible for the girls to learn from
3.winning enough cash to eat for free at the buffet (last time for a month due to diet)
4.for learning how to be a nicer person
5.my DH for letting me sleep in even though it was his day to do it( he never gets to sleep )

the gratitude challenge

2009-08-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

since i have skipped two days due to being a little tired to post. i will post the last two days and today's here. i will give 15 blessings

1. to have an understanding grateful hubby that gives me a break even when i don't know i need one.
2. my pops for wanting to send funds for me to get new clothes at a time when i am a little to sown to shop for myself
3. for a hubby who is willing to sit in a car while i go into a million stores to come to with nothing.
4. for the blessing of being safe. not being one of those people who are in danger.
5. for being forgiven for my sins because even though i know what i do at times is wrong i still do it.
6. for knowing how to cook ... i would hate to think what my food would taste like if i didnt.
7. for a DH that is willing to try anything i make even when i am not brave enough to .
8. having the talent to make a legacy for my children out of paper.
9. for being loved by a man who loves me when i am at fault and mean
10. for children who are good listeners even when i complain and say they aren't.
11. for having the chance to be thankful. beyond the fact of waking up each day. i have daily blessing within my children and husband that many dont have the chance to have and i am thankful for them
12. for getting healthy i didnt think it was possible but i know now it is with hard work .
13. my dog. he makes my children smile!!!!!
14. the internet for giving me a place to escape when i really dont want to go to far.
15. finding the paper i have been looking for for so long in so many places today

the husband project - project 3

2009-08-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

project 3 - you the man
spreading great gossip about your guy

the plan- this is a simple one i invited one of his Buddy's from work over for dinner and i of course plan on saying a lot of good thing about my DH ... all true just never said enough. also my hubby took me shopping all day today and i spoke about my DH to every person who would listen.

The Results- this turned out great his buddy is here having a great time with my DH and everyone in the stores said i am a very lucky lady... i told him what i was saying and he blushed. i always talk great about my DH but i never really tell him how much i gossip about him.

The Husband Project ~project 2

2009-08-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Project 2- Back in the day
~do something he enjoyed before you got married.

project 1 was great... i am sure sooner or latter they will get hard or even annoying but 1 was great so i look forward to todays.

The plan - my DH loves Madden the football video game. i have bought him each year all the way up to 2008. this years i wasnt able to get. 2010 is coming out soon and all his buddies want to have a tournament but my DH hasnt play in ages so i thought it might be fun to have a mini tournament with me (yes i can play to i use to play ll the time) and give him a run for his money... haha right i never win... but i think he would enjoy playing and then he can see i am looking forward in him taking that time to play with his buddies when 2010 comes out.

results - playing the video games was a blast he beat me bad at madden but at tony hawk i am still the best but he had so much fun and said thank you for me making him take the time out for himself.

21 day gratitude challenge

2009-08-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

this is for last night ... i fell asleep

1.i am thankful that i got to go to sleep last night at a normal time
2. thankful that the man who took my blood at the doc appt did it nicely
3.thankful my dinner turned out a hit ...everyone loved it
4.to have had a few minutes to my self yesterday
5.again i dont have a number 5

the husband project.

2009-08-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

so i made a dinner from here ... the deluxe chicken breast meal with broccoli cheese and rice.

all i have to say if no one else liked it( which every one did)i loved it. Me and DH licked the plate my 5 year old asked for more and my 3 year old was like "mommy can you make that stuff you made for sinner tomorrow " . it was nice to try a new recipe and everyone like it . i have to say i was a little scared with the sauce not knowing if it would come out good or not. but it is so good!!!!

this will be a meal that goes into my meal planner and we will have it again soon .

DH was very happy with his dinner and i am glad i tried something new it means alot to see him happy !! i think he has caught on to me doing something for him... no matter i will still continue and see my days through it is well worth it !!!

Love Dare~ day 1

2009-08-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

reading starts today for tomorrows dare. so really day one is tomorrow .

Love is Patient.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love- Ephesians 4:2

Dare-
resolve to demonstrate patience an to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.

the Husband Project ~project 1

2009-08-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

Project 1-
30 Mins is all it takes - create some free time when he gets home.

i find this so funny. i didnt get this far into the book yesterday and i had told my DH to go play some ball or go for a walk or something. He didnt want to leave the house and me with the kids so i sent him to bed early (early for us that is) and gave him some time with out having to help me with the babies.

So today i will give him his 30 mins t him self as soon as he says his hellos to his kids. then i will give him 30 mins of listening. with out me jumping in trying to one up him.

The Plan- when he gets home i will send him (with a glass of water) to take a shower and get dressed in peace. i know it wont take him 30 mins but i hope he at least takes his time. today we have to go to the docs to get me ready for the surgery so i know that time will be spread short we have to be there by 4:30 so we need to leave by 4. this is why also want to give him 30 mins of me listening about his day and the things he found funny. really listening.

- the results

when he walked in i had his water for him and the girls said hello ... i sent him away to take a shower and get dressed on his own . he thought we would have to run right out of the house when he got here. so he said thank you and was glad to have those few mins. when we packed into the car i got another thank you and he wanted to know what he could do for me to get few mins for myself(this is something he always wants for me ) but i told him no worries i just want to know about your day. So he told me about his day and the issues he is having there. and i just listened. he seems a hole lot happier. Right now he took the kids down to ride they're scooters.

project 1 is A+

The weight game

2009-08-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

So i have finally had my last child. I now have no reason for staying so big. No excuses for why i shouldnt lose the weight because its just going to come back. I was 265 right before i had my son. and that is the weight i am using for my starting point. i started this challenge back on 6/23. with out trying i dropped a few pounds. i am now at 245 . i dont think i lost so much the fat weight but the baby weight that dropped off on its own. My goal now is to slow down the soda intake eat healthier and walk a little here and there. My large goal is to lose 90 lbs and my small goal is to lose 50 lbs. Once i hit my small goal i will treat myself to getting some new clothes (to finally get out of all my prego clothes) not many but a few things. Then once i hit my large goal i will get to go all out and have a blast shopping.

I am blessed to have a accountability buddy who will be doing this with me. My sister in law has almost the same goals as me. we are a state away but will be seeing each other in Nov. then maybe again in Dec. We are both using the same calorie counter and trying to eat more healthy .

i will be weighing my self once a week every friday. i will post how much i am at that point. this will be a way to see it in front of me and have down to know i need to work hard. i am starting off for the post at 245. wish me luck !first weigh in date will be 8/14

Scream free parenting.

2009-08-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

I never thought i would be the mom that tells my children to shut up or go away. i never thought i would get so lazy that instead of talking to my children i would just yell. I am being the parent i told myself i never wanted to be due to having one of those types as my own parent. I know i dont want to be this way so i am taking a step back and i am going to relearn parenting skills. I will strive to talk with my children instead of screaming and i will try my hardest to stop with the language i so dreadfully dislike. I would not allow my children to speak to me in the manor i speak to them so i should not in turn speak to them in that way. The golden rule goes for any age.

I found this book . Scream Free Parenting. once i read it i will post every so often with what i think and what i Will be doing to change how i parent.

The Husband Project

2009-08-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

This is a 21 day of loving your man on purpose and with a plan challenge. I found my self always looking at this book when ever i went to the Family Christian store. Then it hit me, Erik is so willing to do what ever i ask of him even if he may not want to just because. Hes never looking for a thank you or for a gift he isnt even looking for help. He always just wants to do things that he believes will bring a smile to my face.

So i thought i would want to do the same for him and what could be better then a secret project of loving him more. Yes as a mom of 4 i have busy days and along the years i have forgotten how to show him love and how to make it a regular thing. not just another to do on my list. So this project will show me how to bring in back into my daily life with out having to make it a to do and showing me even more just how grateful i should be for the wonderful man i have been blessed with.

i have changed my mind i will start this today and try my hardest to work through any pain i might have or "the i dont want to " "its not fair" syndrome i might go through .

Love Dare

2009-08-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

in my taking steps post i named this as fire proof. Its the same thing.

Tonight me and Erik will be restarting love dare. we started this last month but when family came into town we for some reason skipped a few days so we want to start from the beginning. We found that even though we dont have man problem in our relationship that this book was so very helpful in opening our communication lines and how we spoke to one another(i can be mean sometimes) and to our children.

So we will be reading the next days dare the night before. We have one book that we will be sharing and we will be writing our notes and such into notebooks.The dares are pretty easy for the days that i know we have gone through already so going back will only reinforce what we are trying to work for.

i will be posting from time to time on what i think about this 40 day challenge and how i think we are doing. this shall be interesting to she how much this challenge brings us together and how much we change as a married couple parents and as a person.

The Character Makeover

2009-08-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

so i want to redo me. I want to become a better person and i want to better me in so many ways i thought i would start off with doing a character makeover. This makeover is a 40 day challenge that will have me look inside me. i will be bettering my relationship with God through addressing my strongholds. The 8 strongholds are the character qualities i would like to learn to bring out more and to just plain learn about me. These stronghold/character qualities are Humility, Confidence, Courage, Self-control, Patience, Contentment, Generosity and Perseverance. i will be starting this today and will be posting on this makeover as i go.

21 day gratitude challenge

2009-08-05T23:56:00.000-07:00

List five things you are grateful for each day for 21 days. no complaints. you may not list your children because that makes it to simple.

DAY 1
-taking a shower with out having a child run in screaming mommy.
-the soda my hubby sneaked in and let me cheat on my diet.
-the yummy yummy dinner we ate that my hubby just loved. and i thought it would have been yucky (had no clue how to make it but i figured it out) yet it was o so good
-i spoke t my dad today and knew he was doing well
-cant think of another thing today

Some steps i am taking ...

2009-08-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

There are a few books i am using with and with out my hubby.

First and for most this blog will be post heavy. I am undertaking a few challenges at one and will be posting about each one of those sep. as to get out my feelings and thoughts on each. I am more using this post as a journal per say then to advertise or put myself out there. I am not sure if i will be telling anyone about this blog or if people would even be interested in reading it. So if for some reason some one is reading it will be post heavy and it will jump from challenge to challenge. i will try to title each post with the challenge it belongs to .

i found since i am such a reader that it might work better for me to pick up a few books(self help i guess you can call them) to help me on my journey. Some of these books are for 40 day challenges some are for 21 days. some just are a good read to just better my self in different areas. it thought it would be a good and fun idea to list some of the books that i am using reading and living by from now on. I will only be naming a few because i would like to keep some of the private things just that... private. i am not taking all of these on at once but mixing them all in to my daily living so as though its not another thing on my to do list but something that becomes habit. most of what i am doing is christian based because i am christian and i find that if you look to your faith (no matter what it may be or what you believe in ) it will always bring you back to your core and remind you what you life for to begin with.

the books:

The character make over by katie brazelton and shelley leith

The Husband Project by kathi lipp

Fire proof - love dare

scream free parenting

the challenge:

21 day challenge of gratitude.

30 day less negativity challenge.

The things i need to fix, change and get back.

2009-08-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

The things i need to fix:

-being lazy. i have become comfortable with doing nothing all day.
-house work. my hubby does it all even though that is part of my daily to dos.
-my self worth. i have let my self go not caring what i look like or who sees.
-my me time. i have dropped this all together. and i want it back.
-my weight. i have gained way to much and i need to get rid of it.

~i have become lazy. i no longer have the want to get up and do things i find my self sitting all day. i need to get off my bottom and do things. what ever it may be just get up and do it !

~i have let my house work go. i fully believe it is my job as a wife and stay at home mom to keep my home clean and simply out of chaos. and i have let it go and my hubby is taking up the slack so not fair for him being that he works 8 -12 hours a day .

~ not taking care of my self seems simple. i often put everything infront of me these days. my children they're needs(which no matter what will still happen) out side of the home and my home. i have let my self get over weight, i wear nothing but borrowed clothes from my hubby and i couldnt tell you what make up was if it slapped me on my nose. i need to take a little time for me and make sure i am a wife mother and woman i should be.

~my me time is slowly coming back. i guess i thought it wouldnt be that hard to have all my kids and my me time. haha i would love to know what sleep is ...lol.... so now i will be taking a few (or more) mins for my self to read or walk or scrapbook or something that i would like to do.

~i have gained way to many pounds and i want and need to lose them all . so i am going to lose all of it but in a healthy way.

My blessings

2009-08-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

I figured i would start out with my blessing before i go and complain about what i feel like i am missing in my life and whine about what i miss and wish i could have back.

i am super uber blessed daily with being able to wake each day. i am blessed with 4 beautiful children that i get to see grow everyday with each blonder and milestone. i am blessed super uber with a husband i know i couldnt be with out. I am a very blessed person and am thankful for each and every person who is placed in my life. I have a wonderful father that i miss daily and cant wait to be able to have here with me soon. I have a great BFF that keeps me ground and gives me that kick in the but when i need it. I am blessed to have an extended family (the in laws) that love me so much.

these are just a few of my blessing , there are so many more. i just know that i am blessed and am beyond thankful for what i have.